a tough week

I currently find myself in the middle of a energy whirlwind and I'm trying very hard to keep it together. It's been a long time since I've been here and so much has changed. I'm a mother of two beautiful girls and have grown and evolved in ways unimaginable. But of course. In true MErcedes fashion, I want more. I've been trying to channel this energy in ways that feel right for where I am right now. It was suggested to me that I go back to blogging and it felt right.

I was moved today to pull three cards and figured I'd use them as prompts.

The first was Purification with a call to White Tara. This card meant a great deal for me because I've been wanting to try a juice cleanse since I've stopped breastfeeding Valyn. I want to detox from fried, salty foods and from marijuana. One sentence in particular that stuck with me was "Avoid any behaviors that clean lead to feelings of guilt or shame, as these lower your self-esteem". Just this past weekend I was in a session with my sister, Nicole and Duckie and I was confessing to them how I feel ashamed for smoking bud. I told them I enjoy doing it. Which is why I do it. But for some reason, I can't help but beat myself up for doing it afterwards. Part of me feels like I'm going against what God wants for me by doing it but also like, God loves me either way. Anyway. This card has motivated me to purchase my juice cleanse, take a break from smoking and commit to behaviors that make me proud of myself such as: meditating, exercising, blogging, playing with my daughters.

Second was Flow of Prosperity with a call to Lakshmi, which I needed the most. I really am constantly worrying about money although I know it always comes around. Things always work out for me, especially financially. This card moved me to look forward to a new venture that I hope to be starting soon as a second source of income so that I may move forward on my goals. I am calling forth commas in my bank account, a five bedroom three bathroom house with two yards, a basement, an attic and a garden. I am attracting the excitement of traveling and seeing new places. I'm not losing sight of all the abundance that currently flows through my life. Thankful for the constant blessings and health.

Third card was Freedom with a call to Hina. The sentence that stuck with me the most "Be assertive and say no to anyone who's overstepping boundaries with you". More and more I feel like I have more and more on my plate. As though people think that I do nothing on a daily basis. All the while I feel more and more exhausted. Feeling as though I have close to no time to myself. But I'm dedicated to myself and finding the time to pay attention to myself creatively. I'm also going to call on God and the Angels to assist me in speaking my mind and effectively communicating my thoughts and emotions with those around me. I'm going to try and work towards not bottling things up and just letting things flow.

Thank you for always being there for me. I'll see you again very soon.