Wild Thots

Okay so I'm drunk as fuck. Took three shots of Jameson on an empty stomach. I've been feeling like I need to write so - I'm going to do it. I keep having to delete words because....since I'm fuckin drunk.. I keep mispelling shit and writing shit weird. But whatever. You know what I've been realizing lately? I'm fucking great. People love me. I love people. I want to touch and reach more and more people. I want to be a positive influence in people's lives. I want people to enjoy my company. Want me to be around. I want people to seek my guidance. To request my services. I want to have a connection with people. What is my main message? How do I want people to feel besides loved? Empowered? Enlightened? What makes it possible for me to keep pushing and striving? I got lost. Engaged in other conversations. I need to be there for myself. Put myself first and making sure I'm good. Why? Cuz people really don't give a fuck. People will still do the craziest, randomest, grimeyest thing ever. I don't think those two are words but they make sense to me right now. This week has been full of signs that I'm still not trying to grasp and realize that I need to pay attention to what I have NOW. WHAT DO YOU HAVE NOW? Stop thinking about what you're GOING to have. Tomorrow is never promised. What are you really doing? What is truly this pressure you're feeling? Are you feeling like this because, you know? If I really need to be selfish, do I go to the extreme? If I need to focus on what I want - do I go all the way or nah? I've never been the type to half ass shit. I really need to start working out again. I love you Vanessa. I love the person you are and the person you're becoming. Let's try and enjoy not knowing anything but still attempting to control every moment of your life. Make your own decisions. Do it because you feel you need to. Man. I lost my train of thought. That's what happens when you get high, I guess. Marijuana is a whole 'nother topic. I hope you look back at this and think, wow. My first 10 minutes a day of straight writing was when I was drunk and I was super informative. LMFAO.